Debauchery by Edie

The Secret Tapes Remix [click] by patchworkdragon


This is like the greatest present Lance ever gave me. I can't believe how well this thing records, even with all the engine noise on this plane. Anyway, I'm supposed to be working through my fear of flying. So here goes.

Um, I'm calmer than usual on the plane, I think the new pills are working pretty well. I'm hardly even thinking about the fact that there is nothing keeping us up in the air, and that the ground is pretty fucking far down there.

I'm also giving thanks that I have the money to pay for two first class seats, so there's no one to look funny at me while I talk into my little headset.

Mountain Dew, please. Thanks.

See, no alcohol with the pills. I can be taught, especially when the last time I tried that stunt I spent half the flight with my face in the toilet.

So no flight anxiety, moving on to the next anxiety. Seeing the guys. I mean, I know this is going to be great, and I see them all the time, but this time it's all five of us, plus a bunch of friends and shit. Not as public as challenge because there's no fans—at least no paying ones. But not like when I go over to Joe's for dinner, or Justin stops by to play games when he's in town. Not the same at all. Our only goal is to have fun, to show Joe a good time. No performance, no audience, not meetings or decisions. I'm not sure how we'll all react to each other in this situation, not anymore.

I'm not even sure why I'm nervous about it. I love them all to pieces, we're all best friends, yadda yadda just like we all say in interviews. It's just, what if we don't click together? What if with all five of us something is off balance. We've all changed, and that's not bad, but sometimes I want it to be like it was. And if it's not, I don't want it to be my fault, I guess.

Ooo, dinner time.


Man, these pills are great. I'm not feeling like I need to climb the seat in front of me and scream, or lock myself in the john until we land.

I listened to what I said before, and I sound all freaked out about this bachelor party thing. I'm not really, it's going to be great. Or at the very least well planned, with Lance in charge. We will certainly have booze running like a river, at the very least. Now the only question is will he get the boobs? I mean, it's not like he appreciates them, and Joe will be so disappointed if he has to get married without a lot of naked women in his recent memory.

I'm so proud of Joe. I was so mad when he told us that Kelly was pregnant, I just. I kept thinking about Mom, and the men who left her, everything we went through. He could tell, too, he's good at that emotional shit. I was so pissed at him when he didnít marry Kelley, which was stupid of me, because marriage doesn't make a relationship more solid, just harder to get out of legally. I've seen enough proof of that with Mom's life. So I was mad for no good reason, and he just let it slide off his back. And now look at him, getting married years later. I guess he's ready now, and he's been such a wonderful father.

So he deserves this party, once last chance to cut loose before he's tied down. I just hope Lance didn't overplan, like he does sometimes. I hope he doesn't spend the whole week being in charge, instead of enjoying the party.

Cool, we're going to land now.


Chris Kirkpatrick reporting with a late-breaking news flash: I am the man. I can still whip Fatone's ass, got him pinned in less than five minutes. One down, four to go and I'll prove that I am still the wrestling champion of NSync. And I still remember the choreography to The Game is Over better than he does.

But now I gotta go because we'll be late for dinner and wouldn't want to piss off Mommy Bass. I need to get him alone so I can tell him about the little surprise I arranged for Joe.


Another late-breaking news flash from station N.Y.S.N.C. Lance Bass is a freak. I repeat, Lance Bass is a freak.

I cannot believe that man. I was expecting a nice printed schedule, some sort of spreadsheet. But the fucker printed booklets, booklets. In color. With binding. He is totally unreal.

And god, Stratosphere? What was he thinking? Lance knows I can't take that, not so soon after flying and all. He probably wasn't thinking about me when he planned this. And I guess that's how it should be, this is Joey's party. And He's Lance's best friend, Lance has always thought about what Joey would want.

I just wish, sometimes, that Lance would be thinking about what I want. Sometimes I think maybe he's looking back, when I look at him. That the whole flirting thing isn't just a joke. I made it a joke, back when he had that crush on me. Man, if I had known he'd grow up to look like that I might have gone for it. That body is just incredible. Even with the silly perfect little nose.

I bet he could pin me now, those arms look so strong. He could hold me down, I wouldn't be able to move, he could do anything…

I will not think lustful thoughts about my bandmates, I will not think lustful thoughts about my bandmates. I will not think lustful thoughts about my bandmates.

I wonder if there's time for a cold shower before we're supposed to meet at the casino?


ESPN correspondent Mike Hawk here with the latest on the NSync wrestling tournament: two down, two to go. That's right folks, Chris Kirkpatrick is still undefeated.

I can still pin Lance, apparently, but then he growled. Actually growled at me and damn I was so turned on. I admit, I totally ran away. Jumped up, and turned away so he wouldn't know.

But why? Why am I so worried about him realizing I want him?

It's the rule, no lusting after bandmates. No messing around within the group. And it was a good rule. It was always just the five of us, no one else we could really trust, no one else that understood. We could only rely on each other all those years. If two of us had hooked up, the balance would have been lost. We could have been torn apart.

But you know, the group is not like that anymore. Even if… when. Even when we're all together again, performing or recording or whatever, we'll never be back in that same enclosed space. We're past that. We all need other people now, and we'll always be NSync even with other people around.

So maybe it's not so bad for me to be lusting over a bandmate. Maybe I can do more than just lust, even.

Fuck it, I'm not drunk enough to be thinking about this. Bedtime now.

Tonight I will visualize a calm serene lake. With topless women on water-skis. And Lance swimming. Naked.


Ok, that was embarrassing. Next time I put on a little show I should check that I have the right audience.

I got up, and Joe and Lance were showering. Not together, because Joe is way too straight for that, but the bathroom here has two showers. They were singing and so I peed and we sang. It was good to harmonize again. Then Lance got out, with a towel already around him. And hell yes I checked him out, why the hell not since I already was peeking through the glass door. And the fucker actually rubbed up against me as he went by, rubbed that perfect ass right along my crotch.

I was still trying to get the blood back up into my brain when I heard Joe shut his shower off, so I jumped into the one Lance had got out of, because my boxers were not hiding a thing. And then all I could think of was that Lance had just been naked in the same shower, it was still all warm and Lance-smelling. The whole time I was jerking off I was imagining him doing the same thing, wondering if he would have had his eyes open or closed, use his right hand or left…


Anyway, I got out and realized that since I started the shower with my boxers on, I had nothing dry to wear. And the Wonder Twins had taken both the towels. What kind of hotel suite has three bedrooms, two showers, and only two towels? I dried off a little with the hand towel, but it wasn't going to do much for my modesty. So I did the best thing I could think of, just like I taught Justin all those years. If you realize you're on stage without your pants, act like that was the plan all along and give the audience the best possible view.

Except I had forgotten that Joey was in the suite with us, and just my luck he was the only one in the living room when I came out dancing and wiggling my ass. He laughed so I played it off as a joke.

I guess Lance would have laughed too, so it's probably better this way.

We're playing golf this morning, so at least the day won't be a total loss. And I should hide Joey's clubs or something, to get him back for laughing at my ass. Maybe I can get Lance back too, for… for being so… Lance. For turning me on and then not being there when I tried to turn him on. I'm going to make sure I'm playing with Lance, and not with Justin. That boy takes golf to seriously sometimes.


Tell our audience, Mr. Kirkpatrick, what first made you suspect that Lance Bass was twice the age he pretends to be?

Well, it had to be that memorable day when he sucked at golf, then went back to the hotel for a nap. I peeked in his room, and sure enough, fast asleep. And that's after he feel asleep in the car.

Ok, I admit it; we both dozed off in the car. Vegas traffic sucks and it took forever to get back to the hotel, and Lance just sort of curled up onto me and went to sleep. I had two choices: stay awake and try not to get turned on, or sleep with him. I mean sleep while he's sleeping at the same time in the same place.

I wish he hadn't gone to bed though; I wanted to talk to him about dinner tonight, the Stratosphere thing. I can't do it, I just can't. I have another dose of the anti-anxiety pills, but if I take them I can't drink, and I'd be too mellow to socialize, and everyone would keep asking me what was wrong. God forbid I be anything but a hyperactive freak, or they're all taking my temperature and shit. Besides, I need those pills for the flight home. I already talked to Joe, he doesn't care, he's cool with it. But I hate disrupting Lance's plans, I don't want him all disappointed with me.

I'll just wait until he wakes up, and try the pout on him.

What? Yeah, hang on J.


I feel like a spy or something, recording bits when people leave me alone for a minute or two. The basstronaut has left the building. Ok, Lance went to the john.

NSync wrestling tournament: Three down and still in the lead. JC may be wiry but he doesn't know how to fight dirty. His one good move is that screeching in my ear thing, and when I felt him take a big breath I just whispered that Lance was asleep. That shook him up, not even JC want to deal with a Lance who's been woken from his nap.

Though I think we may have woken him anyway. JC had just crawled up on the couch to lick his wounds, and I was getting my victory scalp massage from Justin because fucking JC pulled my hair, girly little pussy-man that he is. And Lance came out of his room, all sleep rumpled and just sort of radiating warm and calm and all. I wanted to just lie on him and use him as a mattress. Lance is so much nicer to cuddle than Justin. They're both all hard and muscley but at least Lance has enough flesh on him so his bones aren't sticking out. And he pets me, without the argument I always get from Justin.

Lance let me stay here instead of going to the torture chamber, and he stayed with me, and cuddled me even. I don't know what it means. I know he's been sleeping a lot this trip, but he's been staying up late and partying a lot, so it could be nothing.

He's not drunk yet, but he's on the way. Maybe I should catch up with him, before I make a pass at him.

Not that getting tipsy will stop me from hitting on Lance, but if we're equally drunk than it won't be taking advantage, right?


The moon shines brightly at midnight. My hovercraft is full of eels. It's not Friday night, but I just got laid.

Lance-Lusting report number three hundred ninety seven: it's all over. I'm not sure if I succeeded or failed, but the whole not lusting thing is over now. There was kissing and groping and nakedness and orgasms and I would say that I won the lusting battle, except for the fact that I'm alone now.

Stupid Fatone. That man has always had the worst timing. He came back just when I was coming out of the john and heading back to my nice warm snuggly naked man.

I would have gone back, but Lance said something earlier about not letting Joey catch us. I couldn't tell if it was because he didn't want to spoil the mood by getting interrupted, which I totally agree with. Or if there was some other reason, like he was ashamed, or embarrassed, or it would make Joe jealous or something. So I'll just stay here in my own room until Joe starts snoring, then go back to Lance's.

I was just gonna kiss him a little, maybe some making out. But then I thought of offering a blowjob, and then handing him a drink. It was a joke, mostly. Sort of. Except that it wasn't.

He was so stunned that I finally made a move on him that he was out there checking the lock three times and turning off lights while I was waiting naked in his bed. I got him into bed and blew his little mind before he could figure out what hit him. I'm just that good.

Then he totally took over. Like once he got off he could think again, could be the total top I knew he would be. Women never do that, you know? They never take over like that. He just devoured me, held me down and made me beg for it. I should go back in there and wake him up, get him to fuck me.

Which is why I shouldn't. If I do that, he'll wake up enough to fuck me and then think it's all about sex, which would be sad because I think it might be more. Or he'll fuck me and it will be all transcendent and then he'll think it's more than sex, which would be scary because I'm not sure it is more.

I think I just confused myself. Or maybe he really did suck my brain out my cock. I should just go to sleep


I tried, really I did, but I've been lying here for an hour and I still can't sleep.

I want to go back to Lance, crawl back into bed and cuddle around him like we were before I got up to pee. But I don't know what it would mean if I did. To me, or to him.

Anything I do, he'll read something into it, and since I don't even know what the hell I want I shouldn't give him any ideas.

And I don't know what he wants either. The only thing he said was the whole 'this is a bad idea' thing, and that stuff about not wanting Joey to find out. So maybe he regrets it and going back there would just make things all awkward and wrong.

Do I regret it?

Lance is one of my best friends. We've been through hell and back together, I would trust him with my life. Hell I would trust him with my family's life, and that's even more important to me than my own. I won't say that was the best sex of my life, because it was too rushed for that. But it was the best sex in the last year or so, so that's saying something.

I think I can say that the only thing I regret is that I'm not still with him. But if I go back now that's a whole different thing than staying in the first place, that's making assumptions and giving signals that I'm not sure how they will be interpreted and until I get my own self figured out I should probably stay all alone in this big cold bed.

Fuck, why does doing the rational adult thing suck so much?


I know what I'll do. I'm gonna wake up early and catch Lance before we leave the suite. Talk to him, figure out what's going on. And I forgot to do my visualization, that's probably why I haven't been able to fall asleep. So, I'm visualizing myself floating in the ocean, waves lifting me up and carrying me, the sun shining down on me.

Ok, fuck it. Actually I'm visualizing Lance blowing me. Much more pleasant.

God help us all if this recorder ever falls into the wrong hands.


Just took my shower and Lance and Joey are both gone already. So much for catching Lance. It's not that late, he must have been in a real hurry to get out of the suite.

Shit. He's probably upset about what happened, regretting it, or maybe he's mad that I left.

I never thought of that, that he might be upset with me for leaving, or think that I'm regretting it.

Fuck. Now I have to go and try to show him I'm ok with it but not let anyone see what's going on.


Captain's log: The planet is full of the hostile native life forms that call themselves 'tourists' but I've found a secure location in order to make my log entry. If it remains secure long enough, I'll use this room to carry out the plan.

I attempted to get a message through to Officer Bass, but I suspect it may have been misinterpreted. The grope under the table seemed to surprise him. And on second thought, while saying sex with him was more fun than a roller coaster was a good thing, chanting "bobbies, boobies" with Justin may have been counter-productive to the message I was trying to impart.

Target is behaving strangely, and appears to be attempting to keep me under surveillance. Every time I look around there he is watching me.

Wait, is this Star Trek or James Bond? I give up.

Lance has been following me around all morning, then disappearing when I try to make eye contact. I got in one good grope under the table at breakfast, and he seemed ok with that. And when I said he was more fun than a roller coaster, announced it to everyone even if they didn't know what I was talking about, he looked pretty damn smug and happy.

Then I went and said something stupid, and he probably thinks that it was a one time thing for me, and I want to pretend it didn't happen.

Wait, isn't that what I want? Fuck, now I don't know what I want again.

Ok, new goal. Forget figuring out what I want, I'm going to go with instinct. It got me laid last night, so it seems to be working well with the whole Lance situation. I'll just lure him into this nice empty room and see what happens.

Shhh. Be vewy vewy quiet, we're hunting Lances.


Almost forgot, I got Justin at breakfast. Pinned him in nothing flat. The kid is getting soft.

So yeah, I'm still the undefeated wrestling champion of NSync. Whatever.

Wish we had bodyguards with us, sometimes I miss having someone stand outside the restroom and keep people out. I just hope no one walks in while I'm recording. They'd just think I was talking on my cell in the stall or something.

The instinct plan went pretty damn well, if I say so myself. I kissed him a little, explained why I left last night, and it was like flipping a switch in his head. He melted again, just draped himself over me and I think we came within three brain cells of fucking on that conference table. Then my stomach growled so we went to dinner with the guys.

I made Bass late for a dinner he planned himself. I think that's worth at least 10 points on the stud score.

Tonight we have some kind of strip show to go to. Think I'll see if I can get Lance turned on even with naked women around.


Agent 69 reporting. The tit show was great, making Lance lose his cool in semi-public was even greater. Though I'm afraid the Italian agent may be suspicious, he looked at us strangely a few times.

And Timberlake, who is usually very unaware of subterfuge, seems suspicious as well. He got me alone and asked me whether I was fighting with Lance and/or Joey. Weird that he could tell there was tension, but not what kind.

I guess reading people's minds is harder when you're not living in a tiny box together anymore.

We went gambling after the show, but Lance just sort of sat there drinking. And drinking. Sometimes I worry about him.

I wanted to talk to him, find out what we're doing. But I want it when he's sober, you know? I mean, a little lit like we were last night's not so bad, but he's seriously trashed right now. And I want him when he's thinking straight.

Heh, I said straight.

And you know what? It's his turn. He hasn't made one move towards me yet, it is clearly his turn to take a risk, give me some kind of signal. Let me know that he wants me, that he's not just going along with what I want.

So that's the plan. If he comes to me tonight I'll let him in and see where things go. Instinct worked well the afternoon, so I'll keep up with that. But I'm not going to him, not this time.


And another thing. What was all that whispering Lance and Joey were doing back in the bar? Lance said it wasn't about the Friday surprise, and he rarely lies that directly. What if it was about me?

What if Lance was trying to get advice from Joey on how to let me down gently, tell me to stay away from him?

I'm going to stand back a little, see what he does next.


Forgot my visualization. Lance seems to have that effect on me. A cool forest clearing, with the sunlight coming down between the trees. I'm leaning against a tree, just listening to the birds.

Someone is sitting next to me, and he reaches out to take my hand.


I hate mornings. Especially mornings when I wake up alone and I had other expectations.

I hear the shower running, so I've got a fifty-fifty chance to talk to Lance alone.


It wasn't Lance, but he came in while I was in the shower. He blushed when I flashed him. So I gave him a little show, just like the one we went to last night, but with the parts Lance prefers. He seemed appreciative but really embarrassed about Joey being in the other shower the whole time. And Joey was sort of harshing my mellow a bit too, so I gave up on enticing the Lance.

Now it's time to get dressed for dirt biking. The eternal question is, do I wear my favorite jeans that will be comfortable on the bike, or the ones with the weird waist that I don't care if they get torn up.

Fuck it, I can buy new jeans and these ones show my ass. Good jeans it is.


Oh, man the dirt bikes were great. Too bad Lance hated it though. Ever see a little kid with mud on her hands, making faces while she wipes it on her shirt, then crying because her shirt's dirty now? That's Lance's expression when he gets dirty. Too funny, though the whole monster bitchy thing was not at all funny.

I can think of a few ways to bring him out of his grumpy mood, but I'm being strong. If he wants me he'll give me a sign—and being embarrassed by my dancing naked bits this morning was not the sign I was looking for. I guess I'm gonna hang around the suite and have some quiet time, see whether Lance gets his head out of his ass while he's in the shower. I'm kind of worn out from the whole non-stop party thing anyway, maybe I should be napping like Lance.


Ok, let me give a quick rundown of the evening so far while I look for a new shirt. Fucking Trace dumped my beer all over me.

Justin suddenly just had to spend time with me, and dragged me off for pizza with Trace. I would have tried to stick to the quiet time and wait for Lance plan, but I kind of almost sort of miss hanging out with J. And it was great, we caught up on a lot of things, but I couldn't stop wondering what Lance was doing. And then I came in to change my shirt, and it was very obvious what Lance was doing.

Drinking again. Damn it, if I didnít know better I'd think he was trying to avoid me. But earlier he really looked disappointed when he found I was eating with Justin, and I thought for a minute maybe he was feeling a little rejected and drinking because of that.

Of course, when he told me about the private strip show that's starting any minute, it was pretty obvious why he was drunk. The boy has to be off his ass just to look at naked women without freaking. So obviously his state of mind has nothing to do with me at all.

It's a bit much to expect anyway, that one night of mildly drunken blowjobs and a few kisses and gropes would mean anything to him.

Well, gotta go put on my het face. Maybe the girls will be less skanky than usual and the evening won't be a total loss.


Bondage, James Bondage. There was indeed Pussy Galore tonight. Many boobs were seen, and some were even right up in my face. Nice tits, happy boobs.

And Lance said that wasn't the surprise? I wonder what he has for us next. I should go ask him. He's probably still awake, and I could ask him about tomorrow. He'd tell me the secret, of course he wouldn't earlier because Joey was there but if it's just me he'll tell me everything. And he'll say that I looked tired, and my bed is too far away, and I should just lay down with him. And then he'll fuck me and we'll pass out and live happily ever after the end.


He's asleep. Stupid Bass.

I wanted to climb in with him, but I still don't know if he wants me. I mean, he was toasted that night, maybe I overwhelmed him with my sheer manly charisma and alcohol, and he regretted it as soon as it was over. And he's been avoiding me so I wonít know how much I suck in bed.

And if I climbed in bed he's wake up hung over and I'd be hung over and it would be all awkward and then one of us would barf and then he'll really never want to have sex with me ever again.

So I'm gonna just sleep alone. And maybe have the last of the scotch before I do.


Almost forgot. I am visualizing Lance begging me to fuck him, and I'm laughing and walking away.


I am way too fucking old for nights like that. I'm going to take something and drink a gallon of water and go back to sleep. Maybe I'll wake up human enough to be around other people.


Can't fall asleep. I can't stop thinking about it, about Lance and what happened the other night.

Does he totally regret it? He seemed ok the next day, a little weird at breakfast but aren't we all? And the making out later was great. I can't remember the last time I spent that much time kissing and then did not have sex.

But he's never made one move towards me. He flirts, but only when I start it. He blew me, but only after I did him. He kissed back, but wasn't the one who started it. Why?

I have to think like Lance to figure him out.

When Lance wants something, he makes plans. Sets things up, calls in favors, and gets what he wants. He never sits around pining and hoping, he takes steps.So if he hasn't tried anything yet, he must not want anything from me.

Except there's that other thing he does, where he really believes he can't have something or he thinks he doesn't deserve it. And then he gets a bit of it and he sort of stands there with big Bambi eyes. If Bambi were some sort of alien deer-cat mixture.

So basically, either he never wanted me, or he never expected me but he wants me now. Either way, he's not going to make the next move.

God, wouldn't it be funny if he was wondering the same thing about me?

I hear the shower. I'm gonna try to get him alone, and just let him know that I want him. Play it by ear, see if he wants to talk or just get into bed. Either would be fine, and an improvement on this weird distant shit.


Is it just me, or is talking to a naked man while staring at his crotch not the action of a straight man? Especially one who's getting married any day now?

The nerve of that man, ogling Bass. No one else's eyeballs should be on my Lance.

Except he's not mine, is he? I managed to be silly enough to get him get away from Joe, and he slammed that shower door quick enough to make it clear he does not want Fatone staring at his stuff.

I kind of hoped he'd stick around while I showered, but he ran out.

Getting him alone won't be easy, I can tell already.


I can't seem to escape from Justin today. Seriously. I'm hiding in a closet to record this because the boy has been dragging me from one arcade to another for hours. I want to see Lance, I want to eat, and most of all, I want to sit the fuck down.

Shit, I hear his voice.

Ok, the plan is now to convince Justin that we need to be early for dinner because then maybe we can wait in the bar where they have chairs.


Sometimes I amaze even myself. Joey loved his surprise. Sometimes it's good to be a celebrity, even a sort of faded forgotten one. Of course, now I owe Tom Arnold a favor for getting that Superman guy to show up, but come one. Like he's going to cash in. What have I got that he wants?

We're supposed to be changing for another show. I'm not sure what the whole changing for each event is about, but Lance is certainly in favor of it. And there goes the shower again.

Bass may be a neurotic freak, but he's a clean neurotic freak.

So, what do I wear for a sex show? Something comfy, I guess. Too bad my comfy jeans got thrashed when we went dirt biking. I'll wear the black ones, they're good and baggy. Just in case Lance gets tired of whatever booby show he has set up for Joey, and wants to grope me a bit.

I should be so lucky.

Maybe I should visualize before I go out there. Lance and me, standing together, kissing. Yeah, that's a manageable goal.


Ok, I know he's in there. He's waiting for me, I asked if he wanted to spend some time together and he said yes. Joey's still down at the bar with Steve, no one else is around, it's just me and Lance.

So why the hell am I pacing in the hallway talking to my recorder?

I've turned into a girl.

Fuck that, I'm going in. Bass won't know what him.


Dear Penthouse, I never thought it could happen to me. I just had a threesome with two hot pop stars. Of course I can't reveal their names, but I just had to share my good fortune. Except I can't remember much, because I was kinda drunk and since it was only a couple of hours ago I'm still mostly drunk and the details are a little hazy.

I know Lance fucked me at the same time that Joe was fucking him. God, the look on Lance's face, I'll never forget that. The way he told us what to do and both of us just did it. Damn he's good at that. Just like I knew he would be.

I'm kind of embarrassed to go back in there. I never would have believed it but seeing them, the way they touched each other, I know it wasn't the first time for Lance and Joey. But at the same time I know it's the last, I know Joey's getting married and he's an honorable man. So why was I there? I could see it was a big thing to Lance, having both of us at once. But was it us he was fantasizing about, or was it just two guys at once?

I don't…

Joe? When did you forget how to knock?

… take off?

I just, it didn't seem like there was room for three. Not for sleeping.

How long you guys been hooking up?

I could ask you the same question. What are you doing with Lance?

I could ask you the same question.


I'm worried about him getting hurt, because having your best friend get married is hell of a lot different when you've had sex with him. You should go back in there, He doesn't deserve to wake up alone.

You need to take care of him. I can't anymore.

No, you're his best friend. I'm just this guy he's hooked up with a couple of times.

Do you love him?


You know I do. I don't know if I'm in love with him, but I do love him.

Then get your ass back in there.

Ok, I'll go back. But if there's any morning after weirdness it's your fault.

Just go, Chris.

Goodnight to you too, sweetheart.

Before I go back to Lance's bed, I'm visualizing how warm and cuddly it will be. And we'll wake up in the morning and their will be no weirdness, and maybe a bit of sleepy sex, and we will not have any kind of serious discussion. Yeah.


I shouldn't have let Joey talk me into going back last night, I'm not stupid. I know who Lance wanted to be there when he woke up. I woke up this morning when he was trying to sneak out of bed, and yeah it's hypocritical of me to be hurt that he tried not to wake me when I've done the same to him, but I've reached out for him so many times, and he's never reached for me once. The way he reached for Joey last night. That hurt so goddamn much, he kissed me back when I started it, but when he saw Joey he called him over, his hand out, just begging Joey to come to him.

I guess that's it. It was a fun week, and now it's back to my real life. I know Joey had a good time, got all the fun out of his system before his death sentence—I mean wedding. And Lance certainly seemed smug about things this morning, he obviously got what he wanted.

And what did I get, besides screwed?

Damn, how much time did I waste this week, acting like a teenage girl? Ooo, he's so cute, I think he looked at me. Oh, he kissed me, maybe he likes me. Oh, we had sex a couple of times, maybe he…

What the fuck? Dude doesn't anyone around here know the meaning of privacy?

What are you doing, that's mine!


If you want privacy Chris, you really should at least close your door before you start talking about people sharing the same suite as you. Unless of course you want them to overhear you.

Lance, you ass, give it back

No, I don't think so. I wonder what I would hear if I played this back?


[rustling and heavy breathing]

You're getting old.

No I'm not, you're just inhumanly strong, with the arms and all.

You like this, don't you. You kinky little man, you like me holding you down like this. While I've got you held down, why don't I answer some of what you were saying earlier?

Yes, I am looking at you, and I like the view. And yes I like you, I don't sleep with anyone I don't like. And hell yes I'm smug because I had two hot guys all over me last night. And if you were a teenage girl, I couldn't do this.